Q: “Are My Feelings Valid, Even If RSD Is Involved?”

Q: “When I feel rejected, slighted, or hurt by someone, how can I know whether my feelings are valid or if they’ve been tainted by rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)? I often question whether I’m overreacting or responding appropriately to situations. I sometimes feel like I’m not entitled to have strong negative emotions.”

As someone who also feels emotions intensely (growing up, my parents called me Super Sensitive Sharon), I understand completely where you’re coming from when you question the validity of your feelings. When I have big feelings, I truly think that something is the matter with me. The typical thoughts in my head are, “What is wrong with me that I’m getting this upset? No one else seems to be reacting this way.” But as I’ve learned, and as I hope you’ll come to learn, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. (It’s really helped me in my career as a psychologist.)

Your feelings are valid — RSD or not, neurotypical or not. You are entitled to have your emotions however you would like to have them. Is it true that your ADHD brain is wired to feel emotions more intensely? Yes. And we can’t talk about ADHD without bringing up emotional dysregulation, which also affects how you process emotions. It’s also the case that RSD makes it difficult to perceive responses neutrally; you may perceive injury or threat where there is none.

[Get This Free Download: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria]

But penalizing yourself for feeling how you’re feeling is counterproductive. It’s much more helpful to normalize your feelings. More importantly, you can acknowledge your emotional reactions and still investigate them.

Checking in with a friend, partner, coach, therapist, or anyone who understands the type of brain that you have is a good, safe way to gauge your interpretation of a situation. Say, “This thing happened, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. What do you think in this situation? How would you feel if someone said this to you?” These conversations can help you reframe the situation. You may find that the remark someone directed at you was simply a thoughtless comment that bears no reflection on who you are. Or maybe the situation was that unfortunate; if that’s the case, focus on the fact that you survived it, and think about what you’ve learned from it.

Regardless of whether RSD is in the picture, I’d like to leave you with a parting thought by Maya Angelou: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

Your Feelings Are Valid: Next Steps

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “RSD Toolkit: Strategies for Managing Your Sensitivities in Real Time” [Video Replay & Podcast #476] with Sharon Saline, Psy.D. which was broadcast on October 19, 2023.

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